Soul Cleaning Post

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 presetThis is a post about me, about my family, about this past and coming season of our lives. John is nearing 11 months. The fastest, richest, hardest 11 months of my life. Having 2 babies close together, as many will testify, is hard, good, and hard. The good is really, really good. The hard is really hard. But what a gift to have 2 boys. They are my happiness, my joy. There was a season with Jeff right after he turned two, where for about 2 months our relationship was something like, “One cannot live while the other survives.” It was ridiculous. 2-year-olds are fierce. It was all fighting all the time and I was becoming someone I hated. I got to the point of breaking down in front of so many people that prayers were regularly being sent to heaven. And then it happened . . . one Wednesday morning, Jeff woke up, and he was Jeff. He has been so amazing the past month – creative, helpful, sweet, obedient, he EATS, he shares, he sleeps. He has his moments, but I do too, so no faulting him there.

Processed with VSCOcam with b1 presetHere he is a couple weeks ago right before he went to bed. He saw me unloading the dishwasher, and he came up and started putting all the silverware away. All on his own. Is dishwasher unloading a love language? I felt so loved, so proud. I danced with him after taking this picture.

We put our house on the market. It’s kind of crazy. We have talked about it here and there, but not seriously. We’ve only been in our house for 2 1/2 years and we LOVE our house. Long story short, we were casually looking at houses closer to Ben’s work – he’s been traveling so much that it’d be really nice to be closer to him when he’s in town, not to mention in the school district we will want to be in as Jeff nears preK – and saw one we liked. We decided to put it on the market just as a “if it’s meant to be, great, if not, then we’re happy here” type thing. When you start looking at houses you start having conversations, the conversation. You have to know how many rooms to get. Do we want more children? One day? Are we complete? How does anyone ever answer that question?

For now, I am content. In the past month John has just started sleeping through the night, so with that comes a more normal mommy. Waking every 2 hours for 10 months makes a mommy  . . .  uh, not her best. Ben and I have been having fun! When your babies sleep through the night, it unlocks a freedom on your marriage.  He deserves an accolade here. He has been a champion husband. Unbelievably helpful. Always ready to come home and dive into the craziness. He’s been sweet, romantic, hardworking, forgiving, encouraging, and inspiring. We have gotten so good at teamwork. Maybe a little too good at teamwork, as we’ve also developed a “high five, partner!” mentality. I will confess I have to really work at getting in the romantic mode, but  you can’t be good at all things all the time. I do realize my need for growth, and I am thankful for his friendship, love and steadfastness through all my young mother seasons.

I have been cleaning a lot. The more I work, the happier I am. I love working mornings and being with the boys in the afternoons. The more I work, however, the faster the days seem to pass. Some weeks go in a blur and I just pray my boys know I love them. I also pray it will feel slower to them. Breakfast, work/daycare, naptime, outside, dinner, bath, play, bed . . . over and over every day. I do not feel like time is going to be slowing down anytime soon, but I do feel like our family is entering a new season. One where I feel good. One where I am not afraid to mess up as a mom and forgive myself. One where I can pursue my husband as my babies pursue dreamland. One where I can BLOG. I have lots of blog posts on the queue so subscribe! I  hope they will be helpful!

Processed with VSCOcam with g3 presetHappy cleaning, friends!

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